ANY ADVICE FOR UNDER AGE DRINKING PROBLEM!?

My 18 year old son likes to drink beer with his friends. I don't like or agree with it. I don't purchase beer for him. He comes home from work with it. and he goes out on the weekends and gets completely drunk. I know some people are going to say --Oh just let boys be boys. Well its a little more serious than that. Its getting close to Thanksgiving and thats the day his father ( my husband) died 6 years ago this Thanksgiviing. my 18 year old son was with his Dad and watched him die. So i know thats why the excesive drinking lately. I've gotten the counceling for him.but he still has issues that will not go away. any suggestions?ANY ADVICE FOR UNDER AGE DRINKING PROBLEM!?
It's hard to tell whether he's just a situational drinker or is developing an actual dependence. And that always makes it tricky, because the solutions are somewhat different.





However, there are a couple things that would be correct in each case. If he's drinking, he's breaking the law. If he's coming home drunk, he's disrespecting you and the home you provide him.





It's time to set some definite boundaries. You can do it in a way that is both caring and firm. But if you don't do this, you're essentially giving him permission to keep on with this dangerous and illegal behavior.





I'd have a convo with him and, if possible, write this up as a contract. If he wants to live in your home, he needs to follow your rules and there will be consequences if he doesn't. So list them and start taking away things he relies on you for. If you're paying for a car or insurance, this needs to be the first to go. You're running incredible financial risk if anything related to the car is in your name. Sell it the next time he shows up drunk.





If not a car, take away a cell phone or a PC or anything else.





If he's not going to school and working full time, you also need to ask him for food and rent each month. It doesn't have to be a big amount, but he's a legal adult now. And he should also have house chores.





I know this sounds like a lot, and it is. But you're trying to make him understand that it's never right to destroy your own life just because of grief. Many people lose parents at a young age, and it's tragic....but the young person should not be allowed to use this tragedy as an excuse for dangerous/illegal behavior. They're 2 separate issues.ANY ADVICE FOR UNDER AGE DRINKING PROBLEM!?
Your son is on the way to be or all ready is an alcoholic. He needs AA He will tell you that he does not need help and that his drinking is not a problem. You can see that it is. Ala non is an organization that helps wives, bothers ect of people with a drinking problem. Your son is addicted to alchol and you are addicted to him. You both need to let go and let GOD straighten it out. Watch Intervention on TV to help you understand how to help your son.
Keep him busy on the weekends. PD's answer is great. Let him see some of the negative effects of drinking firsthand. You may need to set some rules and boundaries. It sounds like when Dad was around he was the bad guy. Now that you are a single parent you have to fill both roles. He is grieving, but he is also acting out. Let him know that this behavior will not be tolerated, and that you love him and are looking out for his best interests. If you don't crack down on him now he will pay for it in the long run.





Tough love is commonly underestimated.
Try to get ur son to volunteer some hours at your local rescue squad,he needs to see what happens to you from drinking and driving,drugs,depression,etc.
This is extremely worrisome and it's a good thing that you are aware of it and not just ignoring it or hoping he'll grow out of it. Since he is still living in your house and is not providing his own housing, food, clothing, utilities, you can lay down the rule that he can't come home from work with beer and drink it in your home. You can also restrict his going out on weekends. I'd also call the parents of his other underage friends who are drinking with him and say that you are very concerned about what is going on.





Talk frankly with your son and tell him you are very worried about the drinking, that you want the best for him, and that you don't want to see him develop into a full-blown alcoholic (if he hasn't already). Let him know that he can no longer come home drunk and that if he continues to do so, he will have to move out and fend for himself. I know that's harsh and it will be very difficult for you to enforce, but it's the best thing for HIM. Continuing to provide a safe haven for his behavior only enables him.





Last and most important, get some help for yourself by going to Al-Anon. You have only limited control over you son's behavior, but you do have control over how you respond to it.





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