Seeking realistic advice for a seemingly endless problem...?

I am a happily married mother of three. My husband and I get along great, you could say we're best friends. He's a great dad, a little lazy at home, (but show me a man who isn't), and a good provider. I still find him extremely attractive, and our sex life is still great after 9 years. I've never been a jealous person, and I've never suspected him of infidelity, never had a reason to. Until a couple of years ago. He started having phone conversations with other women, mostly that he works with. The convos really only take place while he's at work (he's a police officer), and the only reason I know about them is because I pay the cell phone bill. It's been about four different women now, two still currently. I don't think he's slept with any of them or anything like that, but there's been a lot of talking going on. The argument always goes the same way; I ask him about it, he says they're friends from work, bitching about work, etc. I tell him it's inappropriate, he accuses me of not trusting him. That's not the case, I just feel like if the shoe were on the other foot, he would be a little upset as well. One of the women used to call him some 10-15 times during his shift. He says out of boredom, I think she was/is interested in him. He claims it doesn't matter, b/c he isn't interested. He also agreed that he talked to her too much, and it has really slowed down. But it hasn't stopped. There is another woman he speaks to occasionally as well. My dilemma is: I don't want to be one of those psycho wives that ';won't allow'; him to so much as speak to any other woman, I don't like ultimatums. However, it really bothers me that he still talks to them, platonic as it may be. Am I being silly? How do I toe this line between ';cool'; wife and ';crazy jealous'; wife??Seeking realistic advice for a seemingly endless problem...?
You should talk to him. Tell him that you do trust him truely, but it makes you unfomfortable. the same way he would be uncomfortable if a guy collegue calls you 10 times a day. Its not about trust, its about respecting the fact that you are in a happy marriage and the other woman should know better than being like that towards a married man. Its about appropriateness, and it makes YOU look bad when your husband is on the phone all the time with someone else. How does it look like to people who don't know the situation? They will assume that he is unhappy in his marriage because he's getting releif by talking to someone else and that reflects badly on you. Again, its not about trust, its about respect and appropriateness.





This way he will understand that you are not jealous, and you KNOW he is not being unfaithful.. you only find it disrespectful because it makes you look bad. Put the blame on the other women.. explain to them that if they respected his marriage, they wouldn't call him so often.. and he should be friends with someone who doesn't respect his marriage.





You are not being silly, but oyu need to approach him camly and bring it up in conversation so he doesn't go on his defensive side right away.





Good luckSeeking realistic advice for a seemingly endless problem...?
I know if that was my husband and some woman was calling him he would tell me in our normal conversation that so and so called wanting to chat with him about this or that. If he never told you about them calling then he is hiding something.
You are his wife %26amp; you have evey reason to be bothered......he shouldnt be talking to these women on a regular basis, he should stop, he is disrespecting you because he knows it bothers you %26amp; yet he countinues.....
start making some guy friends and have them call you several times a day...even give them your husbands cell phone number...see how he likes it
Give him a taste of his own medicine.
speak to him again ask him about cheating and just trust him
First to let you know I am a Military Police, another went through they same thing and most of the time (about 85%work related, 15% goofing off) the wife swore it was flirtting because he stepped away to talk. in true actuality he wasn't. His spouse got pissed off at took a swing at him, he let her hit him in the eye. She faced two chages, (1) assult of known Military Police Officer. (2) Assult battery. She was told to sign the devorce papers wich entitled her ZERO or go to jail.
I think he's pushed things a little too far. An occasional rare call to ask a question or whine about something would probably be okay, but when it reaches a point of making you feel uncomfortable, it has gone too far. He shouldn't get defensive, but he should just note your reaction and adjust things so you and your kids feel safe.
Offer him to invite some of his lady cop friends for dinner after a shift for you to get to know the ladies he talks with. His reaction will be priceless and give you the answer you want in how he feels about them. And if it is all legit then you can call them too...
I know what you mean... my wife and I have mixed friends.. mainly opposite sex... she talks to them a lot on the phone, but she is home with kids all day... I figure that if she is willing to talk to me about their conversations and such, no big deal... I know that there are some conversations that are held that the other person doesn't want anyone to know.. I have a rule with people that if they want to tell me something they don't want my wife to know, don't tell me.. I will tell her... I would not try to control him in telling him who to talk to or not.. all you can do is tell him it makes you uncomfortable.. he has to chose from there... it takes two to tango.. if they have an interest, it does not matter unless he has one and moves are made.. I think love is faith and trust..
You need to tell him exactly what you told us! How would you feel if when you were gone, I would be on the phone with other men? And I know that he wouldn't like that. You need to tell him that he is a married man and that he need to stops talking to these women because it make you uncomfortable. Tell him that they should be talking to their own husbands or boyfriends and NOT him. If he loses all ties with them, then the relationship is what he says it is. If he doesn't end it , then he is lying and probably sleeping with them! Good luck!!
i don't think you're being silly if you're saying that you don't want to act psycho about it. you've been clear about how it makes you feel and he has somewhat respected your wishes. you could talk with him about it again so that he knows where you now stand. however i do think that you should let it go. if you don't want to beleive your husband would be unfaithful then don't feed that thought with any more salt.





sometimes we get what we're looking for if we look hard enough.





good luck!
I do not think you are out of line at all. For starters, if your husband talks to these women and they are irrevalent then he should have no problem stopping for you becasue it bothers you. 10-15 times a day is a bit extreme, bored or not. It is important that your husband recognizes your feelings on it even if nothing is going on. Personally, I don't think a man in a realtionshop should be having intimate (by meaning personal issues, non-work related problems, etc) with any other woman other then the one he is with. It may not matter to him but it matters to you and it would be important for him to respect that.
I was in your shoes at one time.. I started talking to the guys at work and gave them my cel # and said if they had a problem to call. After about three months of this the light came on and he was acting jealous, and wanted me to stop talking to them when I said they were just friends he had a fit, and said that men and women can't be just friends,,,,,,,,, I said OH REALLY!!!!! hmmmmm the calls on his part stopped, but after that i didnt trust him anymore and ended up leaving. good luck to you...
why dont you call him on shift daily, and shoot the ****....if thats all their doing, why not make it you?





it sounds alittle like BS to me. but hes not hiding it, either.





man, ill tell you what. my wife isnt one of those psycho chicks either, but if i talked to some woman 10-15 X a day on my cell.....





well she would be keeping my balls at home.








Good luck to you
Part of being married is trusting, that's completely right. But part of keeping up that trust is self-sacrifice. If it's something that makes you uncomfortable, within reason, then he should be considerate and mindful of that. You're not being out of line here, and you've voiced that it makes you uncomfortable, so now he has the opportunity to decide if he wants to use this situation to build trust or to break it. I had a similar situation earlier this year with my husband. Old friend wouldn't stop contacting him, seeking heavy levels of emotional support from him, and so on. He told me the same thing you're hearing: the problem is that I don't trust him, and it doesn't matter anyway, because he's not interested. Well, we've learned some very big lessons about that specific situation through counseling. His reaction to her and that situation and to me and my feelings broke some of that trust. It's something that he's now having to work to get back. I don't think it has near as much to do with jealousy as it does that you just want to know he considers you and your feelings in his actions and decisions. It's hard for men and women both to understand that, sometimes, in marriage, you have to make a decision in favor of your partner and their feelings, even if you don't necessarily understand it.
You are over reacting.





He is a police officer and they are probably subordinates who have questions about different cases they are working.





You are wrong in saying it's inappropriate.





Get over it. Men do talk to women other than their spouses. I have several I talk to on a daily basis at the office, and my wife talks to the guys she works with.





Marriage doesn't mean putting on a muzzle and not talking to the opposite sex.





You really need to get out of the house more on this one.