Need more advice for M-I-L problem?

I have not spoken to my MIL since Christmas. I only speak to her during holidays. She is not warm towards me and I sense that she does not like me. We couldn't be more different if we tried. I'm highly educated (doctorate) and she isn't. She doesn't understand why I spent 10 years in college and racked up student loans. My husband and I have a home phone, and we both have a cell phone, but when she wants to talk to my husband, she will call his cell phone. When I'm around her she gives me the cold shoulder and I just get cold vibes from her. She is very religious and I'm agnostic. She gets mad when we refuse to go to church with her on christmas eve. I don't feel that it is right to epect us to go to church with her if we are agnostic. We wouldn't expect her to go to a pagan gathering.Need more advice for M-I-L problem?
to be honest with you.. I do have the same problem with my MIL. and its all up to your hubby, hes in between.. he have to stand up and tell her not bother your guys that much.. you have your own life now.. believe me , my MIL like to take control.. after my hubby talk to her.. she's back off off.. right now, she's much more respect our privacy..lol.. and we have great relationship now..lol


good luck!!Need more advice for M-I-L problem?
I think you two are just from totally different worlds and without professional intervention I don't think you two will ever have a happy mother/daughter type relationship. I would suggest you and her try some therapy.
Listen to me did you marry your mother in law or you husband? The only person you have to worry about pleasing is God(If you Believe in him) and your husband. We all Know the biggest hypocrites go to church, a true woman of God has love in her heart and wouldn't act like a 16 year old! Take care of your husband and kids!!
For starters I would confront her with what you are sensing. Share your perspective and ask her for hers. Next I would make sure that she remembers that God does not force himself on anyone therefore she should not force God on you.
ask her why she is acting this way she could just be jealous of the fact you took her little boy in a way my mil did alot of the same things just turned out to be just that after confronting her she realized what she was feeling was normal but childish at the same time we get along great now
and your problem is.....?





if anything, she probably thinks you dislike her just as much as you think she dislikes you. so you have one of two choices. one being that you just accept it for what it is and continue down this road with her. two being that you make an effort to find some common ground and get to know each other better. common ground could be something as simple as swapping recipes that your husband likes.





also, who says that because you are agnostic that you can't at the very least respect another's request of sharing a religious rite with them? my dad's an atheist yet he'll go to a catholic mass with his wife (my step mother) on an occasion.
Well, me being me, I would kindly and calmly ask her if there is a problem, and I would try to listen to her concerns if any, and hope that she can do the same, (I would have my husband present to mediate if necessary) I would be firm about what I need in order to be a civil relationship with her. I would tell her that I find it disrespectful to even invite us to her church when she knows our personal beliefs, whether she agrees or not. But I would clear the air, and just try to go from there
girl dont worry about it i have the same problem and i have kids and she dont even pay attention to them but u know what if she doesnt like u then i say its her lose dont worry about her shes not important worry about ur family
i feel that from what u describe, yr mil has traditional way of thinking and mindset towards most issues. obviously she thinks that ladies need not study so much as they are supposed to stay at home to do the chores and cook for the family. since u are obviously not belonging to this type, she is giving u the cold treatment as she probably feels yr over-achievement makes her son appear inferior. she's not mean or anything, i think its difficult to understand the elderly. what u can do is discuss this with yr husband and most important is does he understand and empathise with u? to me, my husband's views matters the most as he is the one that stays with me till we are both old (and prob nasty), not anyone else.
Based on what you describing, it seems to ME, that the both of your are from DIFFERENT ERAS, time frames in life, in terms of your personalities, ways of thinking, educational levels, etc. You get the picture. Where she stayed home to raise her family, you already said you yourself DON'T have that luxury, I feel you on that.





Who knows why your MIL is like that, but it's not going to change who she is. It could be lots of reasons why she's making those comments towards you-maybe she never got the opportunities that you had, who knows what her upbringing was like. Now, what she doesn't understand about your racking up student loans, you ain't the only one who's going thru this, I have plenty of educated, professional friends and associates who are in the same predictament. Nowadays, you have to have at least 2 or 3 jobs to keep your head above water, that's inflation-so relax. Since she's being petty about only keeping contact with your husband only on his cellphone. I don't know who's account the cell phones are under, but you could let her know that it's your right to know what he's doing and vice versa. In this case, you can ask her what does she have against you in this dept., right along with whatever issues she has towards you.





No one should be made or forced to do something that they're not used to, comfortable with or any of that sort. You're right in this dept. So, you're not religious, if she's going to have a fit because of this, then she needs to keep her comments to herself and accept the fact that her son married you, not her. I hate to say it, but it's the truth.





In closing, there needs to be some boundaries and respect here, and I would recommend that everyone start the lines of communication and let this be known. She doesn't have to like or love you, and you vice versa, but that's life, now get over it. You can't put your husband in the middle of everything, let him know how you feel and why you're taking that position with your MIL, but she needs to wise up and start acting more maturely, because this is just crazy. And it's also going to keep more drama going, instead of combatting it. Good luck on this issue.
Apparently she is not looking at you as family, join the club. Many want respect from their daughter in law but can not even treat them civil. I would send nothing if she can't even acknowledge you. Let her son do it. As far as religion goes I guess she feels that you pushed her son into being Agnostic since he was raised in the Catholic faith. Her son should be setting boundaries about his feeling on the Church and her relationship with you.





He avoids the subject and this is why it continues.
Your husband needs to have a chat with her. You should just be polite and smile. Don't worry about it.